i hope you know

April 24, 2009 at 2:26 pm (Uncategorized)

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technically, the very first time we travelled together. i exposed you to central market. you are welcome.

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to that last trip back from washington.

it was great seeing you today. and for the next 2 months; i’m excited.
going to the afs office today brought back a lot of memories. and also, you’re looking at the new project manager for the alumni camp. yaaay.

i was going to blog yesterday about happy things like how dexter said i looked homeless (i have a cold! i need those damn tissues), how all my lecturers commented on how i look unhealthy (how very observant of you lot. me coughing and sniffling didn’t seem out of place at all did it?) and finally how everyone has been nagging me to go see a doctor (ok, OK. i’m going tomorrow. god, it’s like having 5 mothers).
so yeah, happy post was the plan. but then, i went on myspace. yes, i know myspace is lame, and dead, and lame, but hello, all my myrtle creek friends are there. so, i occasionally deign to log in.

i think, more than anything, i was disappointed. 6 months pregnant. really? really? you weren’t that girl. you were never that girl. how the hell did you become her? all those nights we would hang out, doing stupid things, all those times you said you’d never turn out that way. i’m not judging. i’m just sad.
you fake happiness, and joy, and for all i know, maybe you actually are, but i’m not buying that for a second. you were supposed to come to malaysia, and i was going to drive us till we ran out of gas, and the vodka and..all our plans; they weren’t just the effects of too much alcohol. i know they weren’t. i don’t know what i should do. do i send you a message saying ‘heeey. what’s up with you?’, because you know, i never stopped caring. do i say congratulations, or do i say i’m sorry? will you even respond?

i know you never gave shits, but i also know, this was not your plan.
i told you that you were so much better. honey, i meant it. i just wished that maybe you would have believed me.

 

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