April 26, 2009 at 2:48 pm (Uncategorized)

i feel very unsettled today. or maybe i’m just tired from all the lit studying i’ve been doing. 2 bottles of red tea down. i am not calm.
decisions, decisions.
lingering doubt.
all the voices that will not be silenced.
i wish i could believe you when you say it doesn’t matter.

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I’ve fallen down and I can’t do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please?
Sing us a song and we’ll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

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I am nothing now and it’s been so long
Since I’ve heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening.
Sing us a song and we’ll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

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the thing is though, while i am perfectly capable of deluding myself, i cannot be deluded.
this has mattered for so long, too long. some days i think, i will never get over it. some days, i think it doesn’t matter.
some days, i do.
some days, i don’t.
sometimes, i forgive myself.
sometimes, i don’t.

and while i don’t believe you when you say it doesn’t matter, i still want you to keep telling me that.
maybe if i hear it enough, i might actually start to believe you.

how many times in life, do we long to hear someone say something, only to not hear it from them. or in fact from anyone else.
like they’re supposed to know what we want to hear.
like they’re psychic.
i wish you were psychic.
i wish you knew what i wanted to hear.
i wish you knew how badly i need to hear you say it.

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1 Comment

  1. Gin said,

    i know how that feels. heh

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