August 29, 2009 at 4:28 pm (personal)

soooooo, its been a pretty banal week. i have…slouched around. yeah, that’s the only thing i really remember doing. mercifully, i am not one of those people who have to constantly be active and productive. i am actually okay with being indolent. i can live with myself.

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oh, sorry. did you not see that coming?

i think i’ve kinda always wanted to be a wizard, a good one, duh. i first started reading harry potter when i was 11, and i still remember how i’d wave a ruler around, yelling nonsense spells.
many a death eater (barbie dolls) did i kill, along with my trusty wizard friends (various soft toys) occasionally, i’d coverse with muggles (mum/neighbours)

i don’t think i’ll ever outgrow harry potter, and i’m pretty sure that a small part of me will always want to be a wizard.

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i’ve also wanted to be a pirate in the past.
i cannot justify this, nor can i remember why i got stuck on this in the first place. but, i know for a fact that i did want to be a pirate, with a parrot, and to have a battle with a hot enemy pirate, only to fall madly in love with each other and together, conquer the seven seas.

basically, i wanted a mr. and mrs. smith storyline, but in pirate garb and pirate talk.

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first off, let me address the fact that this picture is highly unattractive. yes, i know, thank you. but i’ve been fiddling with this one for something like half an hour, and i cannot get it right (giant twss right there). also, do remember that i am indolent. and what that actually means is that, i don’t care.
so, ok, superhero. everyone’s wanted to be a superhero, even me. i didn’t necessarily want to be superman, cause i always thought he was a pansy (i blame smallville for this perception), instead, i wanted to be…INVISIBLE GIRL (yeah, i know, i know, soooooo creative) but you see, what made me different is that i wanted to be INVISIBLE GIRL with magic powers, not unlike those possessed by the sisters from charmed. that means my powers would include: invisibility, telepathy, freezing time, predicting the future and teleportation.
i would be so kick ass.
also, my superhero saga would include me dating a whitelighter, because you know, why let the fantasy stop at powers?

ok, so why am i bringing these highly impossible dreams up? honestly, i didn’t intend to. i was going to blog about conversations i’ve been having all week, but i think i needed this post more.

a-levels is tough shit. what with studying for all the subjects, doing my sats/sats2, university applications, scholarship applications, and afs work, i find myself having constant moment of disillusionment. 
also, i am scared.
there is so much i want to acheive; real stuff, as in actually possible dreams, and sometimes, i am terrified that somehow, i am going to mess it up.
so today, for the fifteen minutes it took to type this out, i am reminding myself about the kid who believed she could be anything – be it wizard, pirate, or superhero. i am reminding myself to never lose that spirit, to never give up, and most importantly, to never give in.

strange how much wiser an 11 year old is than a 19 year old.

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